Why am I afraid of being happy?
Are you afraid of being happy? You might be thinking “that’s ridiculous, I want to be happy, why would I be afraid of it”. But the truth is many of us are terrified of being happy.
Happiness anxiety, also known as cherophobia, refers to an anxiety or irrational fear about being happy.
Have you ever been in a situation when you finally marry the person of your love, or when you get promoted to a position that you wanted for so long, or when you purchase the house of your dream; everything is going well and you are happy, but only for a short period of time. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you start to have this sinking feeling of fear. What if they are not the right person? Why did they choose me and what if it can’t last? What if I can’t do well in my new position and what if I got fired? What if there is a better house and what if price drops next month? You start to question yourself and feel “shit” about yourself - “I am worthless” “I am stupid” “I can’t do anything right”.
Low self-esteem is the ROOT CAUSE of happiness anxiety. Being happy can activate our internal voices saying I am not worthy of this, or people will hate me for being happy, or life should be full of suffering, or I can’t be happier than my parents, or it has never lasted and never will.
Some of us who struggle with low self-esteem experience shame and guilt when we feel happy - we believe that we don’t deserve to be happy, or we are being selfish if we allow ourselves to “indulge” in joyful experience.
So, how could we allow ourselves to be happy?
Develop self-awareness: who are we? What kind of beliefs do we have about ourselves and the world? Are any of the beliefs limiting our potential to achieve our full aspiration and happiness? Why do we have those self-limiting beliefs?
Challenge limiting beliefs: write them down and assess how true they actually are. Chances are - most of them are not true at all.
Learn to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage: tolerate it until we lose fear and realize that it is not gonna kill us. Don’t do anything to your good feelings, hang in there, and recommit yourself to happiness.
Get to the root cause: work on your self-esteem. Practice self-compassion and self-kindness towards yourself. See you worth.
My name is Wenjia, as a highly skilled and empathetic therapist, I specialize in supporting exhausted adults who struggle with low self-esteem/people pleasing/co-dependency/perfectionism. My goal is to help you develop a positive view of yourself and thrive in a more fulfilling life.